NaNa ?

lately, I’ve been trying' to shift my attention to other people then myself...  even thou, I need it all. But, for some reason. I prefer to take care of other people. even for the simplest things. just a piece of candy I really wanted. I give it to someone who wants it more than me...

I’ve got my bad habits, and am trying to get rid of them one at a time...


I wish I can sleep directly... instead of having brainstorms every single time I put my head on the pillow... feels like it draws all my thoughts, even the old ones that I cant recall...
and I spend extra 2 hours trying to sleep on the late hours I spent awake 4 no good reason...

I cause trouble to myself all the time...
it's like am this big magnet attracting all sadness and trouble to ME...
thanks 2 a very close friend.. I am now "The Chosen Pessimist"

My jaws hurt more and more every day.... for the lack of sleeping and the inner pain that I don’t care to share with anyone is taking it's toll on me...

spending many hours doing nothing but listening to soundtracks or making myself cry at all sad scenes of all the animes I watch ... ugh! that’s just pathetic


I’m not writing this to make people feel sorry 4 me or to cause myself a useless argument...
I’m writing it coz I had to... coz I can't keep it inside me any longer...
and to do myself a favor by reading it later and curse this stupid girl who wrote it..

maybe by then I’ll be strong enough to laugh at her and despise her weakness
maybe I’ll heal myself from this new invented psychiatric illness celled the fish-lobster-shell-banana syndrome or something more complicated then just using all the alphabet letters...

until that happens.. I’ll keep doing stupid stuff and adding bad habits and live on them 4 a while..

anyways, I cant do this on my own... I need YOU *hint* the one that knows about "Bla bla" and "allu8o" to come back and forget all about this silliness... and maybe work on our plans we kept delaying...

hurry up now... come back... I miss you