~ Illusion ~

Why is it so hard for people to understand me?
And why is it easy for them to misunderstand everything I say....?

I don’t even know ... what is it that I want anymore ...
am lost... so lost to the point that I can see nothing clear...
to the point that I curse after every 3 words!

-What is wrong with you?
-....What IS wrong with me...? I wonder ...

I think it's my ability to take the wrong path every single time...
or maybe it's my luck...
or it's just ... fate...

-Yes... how typical of you! Blame it on fate! Weren’t u the one who chose this? Weren’t you the one who said "I don't Care?"

Can you taste it now?
You can't stop thinking about it... you can hardly sleep...
All you do is think and think and think again...
What is it that you're trying to prove? How reckless you are? How unrealistic?
Huh, you're always like that... weak and fragile...
what’s wrong with life... Undine... what’s wrong with love?

The idea of the other person sharing all this... the one who's more rightful is killing you...
oh, I can smell your fire.... I can see you soul burning and your heart beats are slowing down...
pity! Weren’t you always like that ...

ever since you were a kid... blaming it all on you...
taking your share of self punishing ...
what have you done wrong little girl? What's troubling the little heart of yours

-But I don’t have a heart....
I left it over there...
with the flying dolphins and the colorful Aurora...
it cant be... there’s an empty whole in my chest that needs to be filled...

-With what Undine ?
-with a heart ...
-hearts are too small to fill that whole

-then maybe I need two...
or three...
or seven

- Now Undine... we don’t want to be greedy...

- I’ll pick a vein from each heart and sew them together to make my own...
and when I put it inside me .. I’ll be locked in those 7 hearts ...
-Can you carry the burden?
-Yes.
-And you’ll forgive yourself?
-I must.

-It's ok ...
you'll stand up again...
you'll make the same mistake ...
and you'll find your way to hurt yourself again...


the thing you want ... it's not urs...
you can never take what’s not yours .. And for that u shall suffer for eternity...
you chose this ... you knew its wrong didn’t you? you still feel it in your heart...
how wrong it is..
But then... things made it easier ... or maybe you made them feel easier...


-Better to taste the apple ... then to just dream about it ...
no one wants to dream about an apple if they can get an apple.

-Your talking nonsense ...
-Am I....?

-Yes and I sense madness...
-It doesn’t matter ...I’ll stop.
-Stop what?
-Living...

-You cant ...
you must move on
and you'll get over your troubled little heart that u left with the flying dolphins...

-I'm ... empty...
-For now, maybe... but soon... you wont feel that anymore ..

-Why you're so sure about it?
-Because I know ...

......


-I give up
-Never give up... never...

-I have to.... I have no purpose in life...
-You'll get one soon...
-How soon?
-Days, months... not sure.

-Am I in love?
-Might be...
-Am I crazy
-Definitely...
But if you were in love ... then it looks so............ g.
-So what? I didn’t hear that.
- .............
-Are you there? Answer me... looks so what?
-.......................

-Even you!
-Even me ...
-There you are!
-But am not here!


- ..................... yes, your not here.... like everyone else!