أحبـــك أكثـــر

من جديد

تتوقف ساعة الحياة ... معلنة إنتهاء فصل آخر من المأساة

لا .. ليست مأساة .. مجرد خطأ مطبعي قابل للتكرر ...

بل جريمة من الدرجة الأولى حكمها السجن لـ إثنان وعشرين سنة وستة أشهر و ثمانية عشر يوماً !!

سأتوقف عن التناقض الآن و اقترح حلاً بسيطاً

السفر!!

إلى أبعد بقعة عن الواقع ..

إلى حيث لا تشيخ القلوب ولا تمل الحوريات من إغراء البحارة

إلى الجانب الآخر من المرآة

إلى حفرة الأرنب !

القليل من الحب والكثير من الألم

فالحب يتوقف عند نقطة ما ... عند بداية فصل الفتور

يتثاقل معلناً أن آن أوان المضي قدماً

أنا لا أستطيع أن أكون بعيداً ... لقد قررت أن أتبع نصيحتك

قررت أن لا أحبك وأن أبحث أن شخص اكثر ملائمة

قررت أن أدمي قلبك وأعتصره بين يدي وأشاهد عروقه تتفجر بين أصابعي ولا أهتم

قررت أن أترك جسدك بارداً، خالي الإحساس، منعدم الحيلة،

ثم أتهمك

إنتحرت!! غير آبهة بي و بحبي لها... هددتني أنها لن تكون لي .. و أنا اتضرع لها وأقبل يديها وأنفض جسدي المغبر تحت قدميها

لكنها قتلتني حين قتلت نفسها ...

ولم أعرف كيف أتصرف .. اتجهت لسيارتي اسابق اللاشعور.. أتصل بأخرى كي لا أحس بالفراغ اللعين

وقررت أن لا أفكر بها .. ولم أفعل .. فهي لا شيء..

هي مجرد صوت ... مجرد كلمات .. مجرد حقنة منبهه و حب يتطاير من بين ثنايا قلب

حب جامح يتجه صوبي وأنا غير مكترث

تتركني اليوم لاني نسيت أن أحبها

ثم نسيت كيف احبها ...

وجذفت مبتعداً

وعلى قاربي كتبت ..

لا أستطيع أن أتحمل أكثر!

listen ....

How easily can you get attached to someone's dream!

it's not actually a question ... more of an annoyingly loud thought!

how can some things you knew nothing of .. or didn't like in some point of your life.. becomes something you really like and get excited about !
like, music, a football team, or a color!

sometimes.. just cause you like that person a little too much, you start visualizing those things in a different way!

I know people who never used to listen to some type of music and just cause someone special is a big fan of em, they now love it!

I don’t really care if this is a good thing or a bad thing .. or just too stupid!
Cause to me, I need to get into what the other person is saying
share the loved things ... I don't need to force myself to love those things ...
but to share and care and pay full attention ... it'll mean the world to them !

what I’m saying now is more of what I want to happen to me...
I don't mind reading about things other people liked and show some interest in them!

and I’d love to find the other person knowing what am talking about ...
it's fun, to get interested in things you never thought you would ever care about
but now you do and it feels great! cause you know that you're making someone happy ^^

~ Illusion ~

Why is it so hard for people to understand me?
And why is it easy for them to misunderstand everything I say....?

I don’t even know ... what is it that I want anymore ...
am lost... so lost to the point that I can see nothing clear...
to the point that I curse after every 3 words!

-What is wrong with you?
-....What IS wrong with me...? I wonder ...

I think it's my ability to take the wrong path every single time...
or maybe it's my luck...
or it's just ... fate...

-Yes... how typical of you! Blame it on fate! Weren’t u the one who chose this? Weren’t you the one who said "I don't Care?"

Can you taste it now?
You can't stop thinking about it... you can hardly sleep...
All you do is think and think and think again...
What is it that you're trying to prove? How reckless you are? How unrealistic?
Huh, you're always like that... weak and fragile...
what’s wrong with life... Undine... what’s wrong with love?

The idea of the other person sharing all this... the one who's more rightful is killing you...
oh, I can smell your fire.... I can see you soul burning and your heart beats are slowing down...
pity! Weren’t you always like that ...

ever since you were a kid... blaming it all on you...
taking your share of self punishing ...
what have you done wrong little girl? What's troubling the little heart of yours

-But I don’t have a heart....
I left it over there...
with the flying dolphins and the colorful Aurora...
it cant be... there’s an empty whole in my chest that needs to be filled...

-With what Undine ?
-with a heart ...
-hearts are too small to fill that whole

-then maybe I need two...
or three...
or seven

- Now Undine... we don’t want to be greedy...

- I’ll pick a vein from each heart and sew them together to make my own...
and when I put it inside me .. I’ll be locked in those 7 hearts ...
-Can you carry the burden?
-Yes.
-And you’ll forgive yourself?
-I must.

-It's ok ...
you'll stand up again...
you'll make the same mistake ...
and you'll find your way to hurt yourself again...


the thing you want ... it's not urs...
you can never take what’s not yours .. And for that u shall suffer for eternity...
you chose this ... you knew its wrong didn’t you? you still feel it in your heart...
how wrong it is..
But then... things made it easier ... or maybe you made them feel easier...


-Better to taste the apple ... then to just dream about it ...
no one wants to dream about an apple if they can get an apple.

-Your talking nonsense ...
-Am I....?

-Yes and I sense madness...
-It doesn’t matter ...I’ll stop.
-Stop what?
-Living...

-You cant ...
you must move on
and you'll get over your troubled little heart that u left with the flying dolphins...

-I'm ... empty...
-For now, maybe... but soon... you wont feel that anymore ..

-Why you're so sure about it?
-Because I know ...

......


-I give up
-Never give up... never...

-I have to.... I have no purpose in life...
-You'll get one soon...
-How soon?
-Days, months... not sure.

-Am I in love?
-Might be...
-Am I crazy
-Definitely...
But if you were in love ... then it looks so............ g.
-So what? I didn’t hear that.
- .............
-Are you there? Answer me... looks so what?
-.......................

-Even you!
-Even me ...
-There you are!
-But am not here!


- ..................... yes, your not here.... like everyone else!